Smeed (smeed) wrote,

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Dedicated follower of FAIL!

Been depressed lately. Well, not even sure it's depression so much as loneliness. It's not even just about the whole getting over being broken up with. I mean, yeah, I miss her, but I've come to terms with the fact that there's nothing I can do about it and am going on with my life. But the holidays and winter are ruining me. I've never been a "yay, holiday spirit!" kind of guy. But not having family or whatever around can make them tough. And there's the stupid romantic side of me that likes being able to spend the holidays with somebody you care about, make them happy with gifts, share a kiss when the clock strikes midnight, cuddling and watching movies on cold winter nights, all that sappy stuff.

When I'm hanging out with friends and such, I seem to be ok. I have people to entertain me and to entertain. There's few things in life that make me happier than laughing and making people smile. Unfortunately, can't have friends around at all times, and it's those times when I'm home alone, just staring mindlessly at the internets, that are rough.

I also have the problem of feeling like I can't talk to people about it because I don't want to be a whiny emo bastard and annoy people. I'm really not somebody that cares if people like me. I really couldn't care less if people that are not friends like me or not. But my friends, I don't want to do anything to bother them cuz they make my life so much better. It's all a problem cuz I'm somebody that when I feel something I want to express it. I want people to know how I'm feeling and want to know how they feel. Probably some OCD thing, I dunno. But ends up just getting bottled up and causing anxiety.

Anyway, feels kinda good to vent a little bit. Probably should do this more often. But I won't, cuz that just wouldn't be me hehe. I have days where nothing bothers me and then I have days where I feel like anxiety will crush me. I don't think it's something I need medication for as it's really never been a problem. Just this winter is a bitch.

Also, sexual frustration is a bitch.

YEAH! Leave em with a mention of sex in any form and it's like ending a movie with Robocop battling Terminator on top of space ships as they hurtle into the sun and explode.
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