Insert Stereotypical LJ angst post title here

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the beer. Maybe it's that I'm tired. There's something about sitting in front of my computer listening to beautifully bittersweet music that brings me to bittersweat tears. Not tears of pure depression. Not tears of happiness and hope of a new beginning. Just tears of "this sucks" and "life could be worse." Dunno if that makes sense. Probably doesn't. In my head it rattles around a bit and comes out as something I can comprehend. I feel like I'll never get over this. I'm sure I will. I know I will because the human brain tends to desensitive itself and disassociate itself from something after an absence of it for an extended period of time. But that feels too clinical. Emotions aren't clinical. Emotions flow through your body and mind. I don't care about clinical. I don't care if feelings are just your brain playing off what it's become used to. There's something more to it. People believe I should make a clean break. I probably should. But that's clinical. Fuck clinical. Even if it hurts, I'd rather feel. I'm not masochistic, but I'll take the joy with the risk of pain. I'll take the smiles for the tears. I guess I figure, if not, what's the fucking point? Why live in fear of what could be? Why not enjoy what you can? Yeah, pain sucks, but for me, the joy outweighs it. It means more than the pain. Meh, I'll probably delete this tomorrow since I wrote this after 7 beers at 4am. Such is life.