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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Smeed's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, January 16th, 2010
5:12 pm
So last night I took my frustration out on a friend who didn't deserve it in any way whatsoever. This has made me realize that this self-destructive phase I seem to be going through needs to end. All I'm doing is perpetuating the frustration, hurt, depression and stress that I've been feeling. I cannot allow this to cause me to be cruel to people I care about. I need to stop telling myself that I'm fine and letting it build up in me. I need to accept that life is just this way right now and it won't get better at the bottom of a bottle or by wishing for something that simply doesn't exist. Life will get better, but I'll be damned if I will allow myself to be a bastard to people I care about along the way.
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
12:03 am
Going through my past LJ posts is fun. Seeing posts about the first time I saw bands that I now love, reading about heartbreak and how I dealt with it, and really just seeing what a funny motherfucker I was. That's right, I was hilarious! Anyway, it's fun and makes me realize that life has made me pretty god damn happy at times.
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
10:42 pm
Dedicated follower of FAIL!
Been depressed lately. Well, not even sure it's depression so much as loneliness. It's not even just about the whole getting over being broken up with. I mean, yeah, I miss her, but I've come to terms with the fact that there's nothing I can do about it and am going on with my life. But the holidays and winter are ruining me. I've never been a "yay, holiday spirit!" kind of guy. But not having family or whatever around can make them tough. And there's the stupid romantic side of me that likes being able to spend the holidays with somebody you care about, make them happy with gifts, share a kiss when the clock strikes midnight, cuddling and watching movies on cold winter nights, all that sappy stuff.

When I'm hanging out with friends and such, I seem to be ok. I have people to entertain me and to entertain. There's few things in life that make me happier than laughing and making people smile. Unfortunately, can't have friends around at all times, and it's those times when I'm home alone, just staring mindlessly at the internets, that are rough.

I also have the problem of feeling like I can't talk to people about it because I don't want to be a whiny emo bastard and annoy people. I'm really not somebody that cares if people like me. I really couldn't care less if people that are not friends like me or not. But my friends, I don't want to do anything to bother them cuz they make my life so much better. It's all a problem cuz I'm somebody that when I feel something I want to express it. I want people to know how I'm feeling and want to know how they feel. Probably some OCD thing, I dunno. But ends up just getting bottled up and causing anxiety.

Anyway, feels kinda good to vent a little bit. Probably should do this more often. But I won't, cuz that just wouldn't be me hehe. I have days where nothing bothers me and then I have days where I feel like anxiety will crush me. I don't think it's something I need medication for as it's really never been a problem. Just this winter is a bitch.

Also, sexual frustration is a bitch.

YEAH! Leave em with a mention of sex in any form and it's like ending a movie with Robocop battling Terminator on top of space ships as they hurtle into the sun and explode.

Current Mood: weird
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
1:00 am
You know, I was all set to write here in my livejournal, cuz I got a lot of shit going through my brain meats at the moment, but I just don't know how to put it down. So I won't. I'm an LJ tease. Well, anyway, hello livejournal world. Hope everything is treating you and yours well.

Current Mood: cold
Monday, September 7th, 2009
7:10 pm
Peek-a-boo, I see all of you. Thus fulfills my quarterly update on Livejournal.

Current Mood: relaxed
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
7:57 pm
Conan O'Brien teaches me about things I need to know about, such as bacon flavored vodka.
Monday, June 8th, 2009
3:04 pm
I never know what to write in this damn thing.
Monday, April 6th, 2009
6:24 pm
Lousy 800 numbers
So I got a call on my cell phone while at work that was from 800-913-6097. I didn't answer it, but looking it up online it seems to be some service that handles collect calls from people in prison. Either they dialed the wrong number or one of you bastards got locked up in the pokey.

Current Mood: confused
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009
12:27 pm
So since I was in Vegas this weekend, I didn't get a chance to watch the new Dollhouse episode yet. So I snuggle into my comfy couch last night and hit play only to see a damn special report pop up about Larry Miller dying and it going for the entire recorded hour. Nuts to that bigoted asshole. Even in death he's fucking things up I tells ya.
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
6:27 pm
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
1:21 pm
So I was talking to my dad last night and he mentioned how he's been reading Neil Gaimen books lately. That kinda confused me for some reason.
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
12:19 am
Edit: Stupid link being taken down.

I think this makes me laugh even more than Dick In A Box. I'm actually surprised this wasn't censored at all on SNL.

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
12:21 pm
So the withdrawal feelings from smoking seem to be pretty much gone now. This makes me a happy guy. Had a close call last night and almost broke down and went and bought a pack, but I'm glad I didn't cuz I feel tons better today.

I'm excited for this holiday. Gonna head up to Park City tonight and join Jason and his girl and Steve and others. A condo was rented so we'll stay the night and then eat a bunch tomorrow and get drunk and stay the night again. It shall be grand. Oh, and Rock Band shall be played. And it shall be grand.

Other than that, yep.

Current Mood: excited
Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
3:26 pm
This whole non smoking thing is feeling pretty good.

Current Mood: good
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
4:15 pm
I was just watching Married with Children on hulu and Al Bundy came down the mountain with a list of his nine commandments. They're pretty much awesome:

1.) It is O.K. to call hooters ‘knockers’ and sometimes ‘snack trays’.
2.) It is wrong to be French.
3.) It is O.K. to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder.
4.) Lawyers, see rule #3.
5.) It is okay to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes.
6.) Everyone should car pool but me.
7.) Bring back the word 'stewardesses'.
8.) Synchronized swimming is not a sport.
9.) Mud wrestling is a sport.

Current Mood: amused
12:20 pm
I'm gonna shine all over you!
My horoscope on Yahoo today reads:

Talk it up and get your flirt on today -- shine your bright smile on everyone.

This just frightens me.

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, October 18th, 2008
2:20 pm
Good ol' urban dictionary
Stolen illegally from brodie who stole it, legally, from t3hflax0r who likely stole it from someone else.

Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you.

1. Your Name: Sean

used to define huge sarcastic assholes, that end up becoming amazingly sweet. Seans know exactly how to piss you off and then five seconds later have you cracking up. Huge jerks, but gotta love 'em.

Dude, that kid is such a freaking sean.
Don't pull a sean, just be nice.

2. Your Age: 29

The age at which most women stop aging (or so they say!).

When I turn 29, I'll be the age I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

A child asks his grandma, "How old are you?"
Her reply, "29."

3. One of your friends: Jason

the only name that can be spelled through 5 months of the year.
J - July
A - August
S- September
O - October
N - November

"Jason is a very unique name"

4. What should you be doing: Cleaning

(v) The act of shoving everything in a closet and calling it decent.
"I'm cleaning my closet."
"Where are you shoving all your stuff then?"
"My room."

5. Your favorite color: Red

1) a communist
2) CCC tablet (Coricidin, OTC anti-tussive medicine)
1) "You reds!"
2) "He passed out on 48 reds (!)"

6. Your birthplace: Olympia (they went all out for this one)

The small, yet fabulous capital of Washington. Also referred to as "Capital City" or even "O-Town". We have art, drama, music, Greeners, and we pretty much take way to much pride calling ourselves "diverse". But, I guess you could say that. We have enough scene kids to fill a thousand shows (check out the Manium), enough meth addicts to fill a thousand re-habs, and more gay men than freakin' L.A.
Want a taste of Oly? Just go downtown.
But for reals, despite the mentally ill people on street corners, all the protests done by hippies, and the worst traffic you ever saw Lake Fair weekend, Olympia is about the most exciting place to be ever. It’s the best place to see local bands and buy music at Rainy Day Records (Mostly Indie and Alternative stuff,) and several great theaters that convert to hot spots for shows in two seconds flat. (Note to reader, bring steel toed shoes for mosh-pits) And if you want to be an actor, there are more camps and workshops to attend then you will ever know. Unfortunately, this Olympia, and you'll never get anywhere. so if you’re looking for fame, try Seattle.

7. Last person you talked to: Jono

Raddest fucking dude ever,
Sexy man bitch
Jono is the raddest fucking dude ever

8. Last thing you had to drink: Mt. Dew

the state of or being GOD.
Hey, let's go worship Mt. Dew. Yes, Mt. Dew loves us as no other.

9. Your nickname: Smeed

to smoke marijuana; the words SMOKE and WEED put together.
"Yo man, let's smeed this weekend."

Current Mood: awake
Monday, October 13th, 2008
1:22 am
Playlist for 10-12-08
The first set was more mellow IDM type stuff.

Scorn - Flap
Boards of Canada - Chinook
Proem - Hold You Like I Hold A Job
Dryft - Dubt2e
Beefcake - Close Your Mind
Gridlock - Distance
Lapsed - Twilight 7
Dryft - Mytotyc Exyt
Autechre - Dael

Second set

2nd Gen - Irony Is
Atari Teenage Riot - You Can't Hold Us Back (Instrumental)
Converter - I Died Today: Fisted
Mono No Aware - Sema (I totally meant to play a different track, but put the wrong CD in there. Ah well.)
Synapscape - Charity
Sonar - Alien Overdrive
Siechtum - Rapid Eye Movement
Gridlock - Sever
Pneumatic Detach - Putrescence
Winterkalte - Yes2Wind
Mimetic - Sdaa4
Monday, September 15th, 2008
2:21 am
My playlist for noise night
Set 1

Asche - atomic i.c.e rmx by ah coma-sotz
Dulce Liquido - Humid Dreams
Tarmvred - Subfusc 4 (remix by Converter)
Mlada Fronta - XE 131.3
Feindflug - Totungsmaschine Mensch
Mono No Aware - Sema
Iszoloscope - this monstrosity is part of my fibric

Set 2

Atari Teenage Riot - Destroy 2000 Years of Culture (Remix 97)
Winterkalte - Yes2wind
Converter - Flower
Imminent Starvation - Relocation II
Imminent Starvation & Synapscape - Genebiel
Synapscape - Bizarre Disco Junky
5F_55 - JoGI TEc
Mlada Fronta - XB_33 (request)
Sunday, September 14th, 2008
3:45 am
Noise night
I'm reposting what Aaren posted, but I'm gonna say you should all come out. Noise night will be awesome. It will be DJ Reverend 23, DJ Tachyon and myself throwing down abrasive beats. You know it's awesome. You might not want to admit it, but you all have this aggressive part inside of you that just likes to hear shit get fucked up. And that's what will happen. Even if for some reason you don't like that, you can come have beer and say hi to me and say "Hey Smeed, you're doing a swell job" so that I feel better about myself. Anyway, come out. Here's Aaren's post:

This Sunday, as in today, Der Maschine will be launching its Noise Edition(tentatively named Cochlear Division), something I'm VERY proud and excited about. Needless to say, you should all come down. I know that some of you don't like noise but I know you like to drink so come join me and take part in a statewide phenomenon-the ONLY club in Utah that has devoted an entire club and an entire evening to exclusively NOISE MUSIC.

Usual door and drink specials apply

Club Vegas
445 S 400 W
21+ please

Current Mood: drunk
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